Oh So Boring…

Trying to find the bright side of rejection…

I suppose if I *had* gotten that fellowship, I’d have been working at the State Department.  Working at State means wearing a suit.

Fun fact: one of my few goals in life is to never have to wear a suit every day to work.  I truly think I would be happiest not in a suit.  Seeing my father change out of his suit about 3 milliseconds after he got home drove the fact that suits might not be super-comfortable.

I know it’s not unique–especially nowadays–to be rejected from a job, but it still hurts.

I decided to look at AAAS’ site to see how my application was going for an AAAS Science and Technology Postdoctoral Fellowship, namely a Diplomacy Fellowship.  Sure, I knew I didn’t exactly have a shot at it.  I have no real experience with diplomacy, and my political experience is that of an interested hobbyist.  But, stranger things have happened.

So I go to the site, and I see:

Didn’t even make it past the first round of reviews…

It was at this point I experienced that special blend of “pissed off” and “crushing sadness” that a job search can so easily produce.

I worked hard on that application…maybe not hard enough? Sigh.

Well, now it’s time to send off thank you letters to those people who were kind enough to write letters of reference for me.  Sorry I wasted their time and tested their patience with this.

Yep, I am so good at worrying, I get anxious after the interviews are over!

Seriously, though, I’m now in that nice, self-destructive phase where I’m replaying what I said during the interviews in my head…and finding fault.  And I know I can’t exactly change the past, yet I still fret.

Luckily, I have books, TV, and friends to chip away at the anxiety…

…for a while!