I’ve decided to bit the bullet, as it were, and say it out loud:

I have a new job.

My last day as a postdoc at the Naval Research Laboratory is June 5.  My first day as a Senior Scientific Software Engineer at NASA Goddard Space Flight Center–as a contractor, not civil service–will be June 8. (Assuming the pre-employment drug check is good, etc., etc.)

And how do I feel?  I feel…scared. I feel…happy.  I feel nervous. Excited. Good. Bad. Yin. Yang.

First, the negative. Why should I feel anything negative?  Well, I suppose part of it is change. If there is one thing I’m afraid of, that’s it. I’ll also be leaving some very good friends and very, very good scientists at NRL. I’ve learned quite a bit there, and I’ve broadened my knowledge considerably.

Also, this job means a longer commute.  About 70 miles a day (round-trip) from where I presently live.  And, well, I like where I live. I like the area. I’m thinking I might try the commute out for a year or so, see if I can take it.  If not, I suppose I move to Maryland, but for now, I’ll be driving a while every day.

However, the most “negative” aspect is the fact that for the first time in more than a decade, I will not be a chemist. I’ve always self-identified as a chemist for most of my life. And yet, here I am, accepting a job that is primarily coding, and not chemistry.

I suppose that isn’t really surprising, though, if I look at my path.  My postdoc, while still theoretical chemistry, is a bit more on the computing side than the chemistry.  Sort of.  Hmm.

This leads into the my primary fear: that I won’t be able to do the job.  That they overestimated my abilities and that I’ll fail.

And yet, they did offer me the job. They do think I’m good enough to do the work. Thay I’m qualified.  So perhaps my fear should transform into a positive.

Positives. I have a job in this economy. Sure, it’s contracting, so it can disappear, but it’s a job. And it’s a job where tax is withheld! Nothing like two years of estimated taxes to make you look forward to money being taken from you every month!

And it’s a challenge. Part of me–and this surprises me–part of me is excited to start something new. To challenge myself in new ways. I did that when I came to NRL and it seems to have worked out despite my fears.

So, yes, I’m scared. I’m happy. I’m afraid. I’m eager.

Eep.