I’m sad after reading this post. I have a lot of different thoughts.

You write, “I operate from a base of “every person is fundamentally a damn good person” and so I see any look of disappointment or feeling of failure or whatever as something I’ve done wrong.” I just want to say that I can relate so well to this statement. I too tend to do this. Internalize an feeling external to me that has nothing to do with me really. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot in the past week actually. How it’s not only that I believe in the intrinsic goodness of mankind but that deep down inside there’s a part of me that is afraid that I’m actually bad. Or maybe a part of me that really believes that I am bad. Comes from childhood shit…

Regarding your size…

I think that the fact that you lost as much as you did already is definitely an accomplishment and something to be proud of. And I’m glad that you are able to recognize and tell yourself that. Because only you know how hard it is and what exactly 10 pounds means to you.

I cant imagine how it is to get that look all the time. I know it must really feel horrible though. I can imagine that it feels really depressing to lose a woman who didnt look at you like that and who appreciated you for who you are. I wish that didnt happen to you.

Only you know what you really want regarding your weight. Only you know what you really can do. If it is really really important to you, there are little ways that you can change your lifestyle and maybe lose a bit more weight. But only if it’s for you. Because those people who give you the look arent important enough to lose weight for anyway. Actually, no one besides yourself is that important. And honestly, it is important for you. Nevermind the aesthetics, just for your health. And I’m not downplaying the fact that it is very very hard to do and takes time and effort. I believe that when you’re ready, you’ll do it. It’s apparent that you put a lot of effort into it already and come a long way. I have faith that you’ll get there.

Don’t apologize for whining on your own blog. Don’t hide your posts. You’re entitled to whine and bitch as much as you want on here and if we don’t want to read it then we dont have to. Don’t put yourself down for expressing your feelings. It’s already enough that other people put you down. Don’t do it to yourself too. You dont deserve that.
.-= LostFoundAgain´s last blog ..Friday night, Saturday morning =-.