Oh So Boring…

In one week, I start my new job at NASA-Goddard. In less than that, I leave my current one.

And I’m scared.

(NB: this is a vanity post, folks. A place for me to just vent and express myself. Maybe I should get a real journal… Well, no matter what, this post is probably too boring to read. Caveat!)

I’m not too sure at this point what I’m more scared of. Am I scared of the newness and unknown of the new job, or the loss of familiarity of the old one. I’m beginning to think more the latter than former.

My current–soon to be old–job is a good one. I enjoy what I’m doing and, well, I think I know how to do what I’m doing.  Sounds like a simple and stupid thing to think of as a positive, but afraid of change is Matt.

And I enjoy the people I’m working with. They are good people, smart, intelligent. They seem to like me as well which is not always the norm for me.  In fact, they threw me a “farewell” lunch on Friday, even got a going-away NRL mug.

Perhaps that’s the biggest fear. That once again, I’ll make friends only to lose them. Yeah, I know, “you knew it was a temp position when you got there, Matt” and “you can stay in touch”.  Well, a few of them are NRCs like me, so when they go, they’ll be doubly away.  And with this new job, I’m no longer a theoretical chemist, so even if I get to go to conferences, it won’t be the same ones.

So, yep, losing new friends once again. Will it be as difficult as losing those I knew for many years in grad school? Maybe not…but maybe. After moving to DC, these guys were the first people I met, the first who “accepted” me.

I suppose I fear the complete loneliness I’ll be feeling come June 6. Reinforcing the feeling that I am once again alone here in DC. That is, now I don’t even get to see the co-workers I saw every workday. And believe me, at times, knowing I could see and talk to these folks kept me going through some of the bad patches I’ve had this last year.

Sigh.

I know, I know. “You made friends when you came out here and started your current job, Matt, and you can do it again.” I know. But it doesn’t lessen the fear I feel one metric whit.

Bah. My “mind” is a fun place to be sometimes.